! Kat's entropic Journey
10/23/24 Kat Tyler
Now I have reached a point in my overall journey of upswing. I feel I have reached the bottom of this main cycle. The main cycle could also be a chapter. At this point the initial struggle is over, acceptance of a truth has given the protagonist clarity, and now we're ready to kick it into high gear to climb out. If it were a movie, the eye of the tiger would be playing as the the hero got their shit together and owned the tasks necessary to build muscle for the main event.
Life is not a movie. It does not follow a predictable plot. When in the thick of it, it is very hard to see where the plot will twist. Talking to friends and family can be an opportunity for foreshadowing. Just as these conversations are often used as foreshadowing mechanisms in a written plot.
The people that know you best, hell even your enemies, can push your buttons and bring forth pieces of information, much like a warning.
If it comes from an unwelcome person or the topic hits too close, it can be difficult to see the warning until its too late.
I recently had a conversation with one of my oldest friends that illustrates this example of foreshadowing. The result of the conversation once percolated along with 2 weeks of a miserable cold, brought me to the brink of the bottom. Allowing my heart and soul the room to let go and rest gave me the greatest gift of this cycle: acceptance. Just not the way my last old friend had in mind.
I had been in rebellion, this is true, but not toward my friend's God, as I am clear on my faith, and speak with rock solid certainty that his God is NOT mine. I was in rebellion against my soul, my core identity, trying to hold on out of fear of rejection.
I am weird. I know more than half of the folk finding my blog at this point won't enjoy the read (if you do, it would be really nice to be heard). But growing up in a materialistic household and inheriting the same disease has come with some shame, some baggage that has clouded my ability to be proud of who I am and embrace my whole self.
I have been told throughout these 30 years that my shell needs to be broken, but with every break it has healed twice as hard in a strange way. But breaking the shell was the problem. Or rather feeling a guilt or a resistance to keeping the shell. Haha. I've been evolving like a pokemon. I needed that shell's nutrients to protect my squishy whimsy until I had the necessary ingredients to glow up and evolve.
Thus begins my evolving stage with Eye of the Tiger and 4 hours of phone calls.
I'm a little sensitive to layers and connections, but this is powerful. Even if I end up writing For myself to document my journey and my message is lost between the layers of my unique brain, its worth it.
I feel the impact of this point in my journey. By allowing myself to enter get what I need, really feel it, and exhale this experience, I have entered a new phase that (I will no doubt stumble when climbing out,) but the realization that I could rise, because I've let go of the major weights.
I know I tend to linger and transitions are hard, and it's important to thank and excuse the need to return and retrieve those weights. I can run towards the good and helpful, I am stronger than I give myself credit for. The comfort of the known leads to a known miserable state of mind.
An entrepreneur embraces the unknown and greats it with a terrifying smile.
I have 3 things of interest to speak to a business owner about. I will chicken out. This is a fact. But all that shit I just went through was more uncomfortable than the bit of discomfort from awkward cold calling and rejection. 200 calls, let's go!
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